I need to rant for a moment over an incident that happened earlier this week.
First of all, I consider myself to be a very easy person to get along with. I don't like to make waves, I generally take things in stride, and I try to go with the flow most of the time. I feel like I usually try to analyze both sides of the situation before putting in my two cents. I find that this makes me a very effective disciplinarian in my classroom, and I am able to build a lot of bridges this way. But there are a couple of things that really make me very very very angry, like when someone yells at me, disrespects me, embarrasses me in public, or destroys something of mine that I have worked hard for. One man did all of those things to me on Wednesday evening, and as infuriating as this is, the very arrogant individual is probably going to get away with it.
Let me back up for a moment to explain something. Now that I work for a high school, I am expected to have a pep band together to play for 10 home games. Unlike at a lot of high schools, pep band at my school is not a requirement for all band members. I want to keep it that way, but it means that I sometimes have to bribe and plead with my band members to get them to even show up to these games. Last Wednesday, our girls basketball team had a big game, and so I gave my band a big speech about how much the basketball players appreciate having us there and about how the coach had requested our presence because we get the crowd going and it makes them play better. My students usually feel like since no one claps for us at games that no one really cares if we're there or not, and they have better things to do with their time. But after my big speech, I did get some students to begrudgingly agree to play at the game.
Okay, so at about the end of the first quarter, the ball flew up and came down on the floor tom (part of the drumset). Huge intake of breath from myself and the other band members. The ball then went to the other team, and as I was examining the floor tom to make sure that it was okay.....it happened. The coach yelled. Angrily. At me. In front of hundreds of people. "Those drums are way too close! Move them back! Now!" I might want to mention that not only were the drums exactly where they have been for every game since there has been a pep band at this high school, but I have also been trying to convince the coaches and administration that it is not a good place for the drumset since it puts the instruments in danger. But they are adamant that the band needs to be in this specific corner because it is where the band has always been. The only reason the coach yelled at that moment is because our team didn't get the stupid ball and it was a close game. So he took it out on me.
I did move the drums back as far as they would possibly go. I moved them back one inch. I am so angry that I am shaking right now as I relive this. Also, my band members weren't feeling really peppy afterwards. They stopped clapping for the team, and it was hard convincing them to stay for halftime. We have another girls game on Tuesday, and my band wants to boycott it. I'm having a very difficult time convincing my band who already feels unappreciated and now feels insulted, that this is a good thing that we are doing. Without an apology directly from the coach, I don't know what is going to happen on Tuesday.
The athletic director, who I respect a lot, is trying to defuse the situation, but I am so very angry right now that I honestly don't know what it's going to take to make me forgive that coach. How dare that coach think that he can yell at a teacher in front of students and the general public? Not only that, but with basketball's insane following in this area, I'm sure that the public will back him and say that I am being irrational. I have just worked so hard to build up a pep band, and in one night, one man destroys my hard work. I'm absolutely livid right now.
I hate basketball.
*So, after reading this over, I'm not sure if you'll really understand why I'm so angry over the coach yelling at me. Maybe you had to be there. Trust me, I am justified in my anger.
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8 comments:
Geez. Not cool. I am angry on your behalf!
Would it make you feel any better if the coach admitted that he got caught up in the heat of the game, shouldn't have said what he did, realizes that it was worse because he said it in front of the crowd, apologised, and promised never to do this again?
If so, talk to him! let him know why you are angry, and give him a chance to make it better.
Being angry only feels good for a few minutes. Having someone understand your concerns, and address them feels good for much longer.
PS - I'm not a nut bar, giving you advice. I'm a sports mediator.
Coaches often have to be told how their actions impact others - cause they usually can't see this for themselves.
Yeah, I thought about talking directly to the coach, but I tend to get really worked up about this stuff and was worried that I would just start crying, which would make me look like a nutjob and deflect my point. So I talked very calmly to the athletic director, who said that he would talk to the coach for me.
I even explained that I realized that the coach probably just got hot and took it out on me and probably had no idea how horrible it made us feel. But I also told him that getting yelled at was absolutely unacceptable.
The thing is, with this guy I think that he will just dismiss it as me being a silly little girl and will never apologize. Hopefully I'm wrong.
Anon: While I appreciate the sentiment and the direction that you are trying to take coaches in your mediation, I'm not sure that you are setting a strong enough tone.
Sure, you are right, the best way through this would be to have a mutually respectful conversation which ends in both parties feeling that they are appreciated and respected. However, it is simply unacceptable for the coach to yell at the director of the pep band because he is "into" the game and things are not going well. This may be the accurate description of what his emotional state was, but it does nothing to lessen the "badness" of his behavior. If the Coach is unable to recognize this than the coach should really be seeing someone about anger management and should be reprimanded by his superior.
Being angry or upset may explain why someone behaves the way they do, it does not justify it.
Blueberry Princess: Keep up the good work. Try not to let the lowest common denominator dictate your course of action. Goooooo PEP BAND!
Hey BBP:
Your response to my mediation suggestion leads me to believe that you WOULD probably get a positive result through mediation. You seem very calm about this situation, inspite of your need to "vent" and concern that you will become emotional.
Rather than let this fester; ask your employer to arrange for a trained mediator (key word being "trained"). Most employers will do this. If you are unionised, your union might arrange this.
Good luck.
See, I see this as oppotunity lost on your behalf. Remember how embarassed you were to be yelled at in front of the crowd? Just imagine how embarassed the coach would have been to be kicked in the nuts by a small girl such as yourself in front of the same crowd. Don't worry, there'll be another game... And now you're ready for it!...
Leave it to the Capitalist to find the silver lining.
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